I wasn’t fond of dreams, at least not usually. They were always full of inane nonsense. Usually it was something about being late to work, or I would dream that I had gotten up, brushed my teeth, showered, ate, and gone through my day before my alarm would sound and I would really wake up.
It was annoying.
Recently, though, my dreams had begun to change. I’d wake up screaming in the middle of the night and scare my cat, but the content of the dreams would escape and fade away almost immediately. They always left me with a cold knot of dread in my chest, or a light-headed feeling of freedom in my head. It was making me lose sleep.
Which was why, at this very moment, I was holding a mop and standing in front of a large, foul-smelling assistant manager named Omar. Omar never bathed, nor did he eat anything green, leafy, or otherwise naturally occurring in fields or orchards. He smoked cigars in the basement of the store and always looked angry. Today was no exception.
“Snyder, you’re gonna have to sign the warning.”
“But I didn’t do anything wrong!” Sometimes this argument worked on the oaf, and sometimes it didn’t. I alway tried it, just in case.
“You’ve been late for the third time this week. I have to give you a written warning. Just sign the damn thing and finish mopping your section!” Omar shoved the paper in my face, along with a pen. On the paper were the words “Official Reprimand” along with “consistently late” and “under-achieving,” which I thought was a little unfair. Retail was about the most underpaid and overworked job to have, and they had the gall to call me “underachieving” for mopping floors and restocking the shelves of the automotive section all day? It wasn’t like it was rocket science.
Apparently, I also wasn’t a “team player.”
I hated this job.
Omar continued to wave the notice in my face until I finally snatched it out of the air in front of me. “Fine!” I signed it vindictively. I hoped it was possible to actually sign something vindictively or i’d just be stabbing through the page for no reason. Pointless waste of energy, that would be. I shoved the paper back. “There. Now move so I can mop.”
Omar lumbered away, leaving behind a stale aroma of cheeseburgers and beer. I took one of the cans of aerosol car air freshener and gave a quick spritz in the general area. Now it smelled like Mountain Meadows.
I rubbed my forehead. I’d been on my shift for seven hours, and Omar had only come by now, during my closing duties, to issue the reprimand. I’d be out of here late. Again. I sloshed the mop back into the bucket before setting it back on the floor. Two more isles to go.
----
Finally, I clocked out and threw on my leather jacket and grabbed my helmet. The only good thing about this job was that my route to and from work was a hell of a lot of fun on my motorcycle. The sun was just setting and there were clouds rolling in from the east. There would be a storm tonight for sure.
Damn, and I was going to let the cat stay outside tonight.
The streets of downtown Ridgeport were lit up at night with neon signs and car headlights. It was the only section of town that offered any 24-hour establishments. One was the Wal-Mart where I worked, and the other two were a Waffle House and a small gas station. Luckily, most of the other places in downtown were open till at least midnight. I pulled into the Waffle House parking lot.
“Hey, Snyder!” Al, the night shift manager, was just getting in. “How’ve you been?”
This was why I liked the place. The atmosphere was pleasant and the staff knew me by name at this point. “Eh, another day...”
“Yeah, I hear ya.” Al grabbed a place setting. “Usual table?”
Once I was settled with a cup of coffee and a waffle, I got my notebook out of my bag that I carried with me. One thing about college was that I had started to carry what my sister affectionately dubbed a “murse” or man-purse. It couldn’t be helped, though. I had too much crap to carry around all the time without a bag, and backpacks were too cumbersome.
This notebook wasn’t full of class notes or homework, however. This was a notebook of creativity. Sketches, bits of my dreams, half-hearted attempts at poetry, it was all in this book. I thumbed through it to a blank page and pulled out a pencil. Soon, my waffle was gone, my coffee cold, and what had started out as a simple doodle to pass the time was turning into the portrait of a horse and rider. The horse was jet black, except for a white mark on his neck. The rider was cloaked in black and had a silver sword at his hip. The steed was rearing up with his front two hooves in the air and the rider’s head was thrown back, mouth open, in an bout of insane laughter. The full moon was filtering through the winter-dead trees in the background. I was putting some detailed shading on the rider’s cloak when someone sat in the booth across from me.
“I’ve always said you should sell your artwork, kiddo,” said a feminine voice, “It’d make you a fortune. Keep you from having to work in that hell-hole all the time.”
“Hey, Grace,” I pushed my coffee cup aside. “How’re mom and dad?”
“Eh, they’re still there.” She flagged down the server and asked for coffee. I took the opportunity to order a refill. “They asked about you today.”
“Really? Is that a good sign or is it a one-time thing?”
“Dr. Zimmerman isn’t sure, but he’s hesitant to call anything ‘improvement.’ You know how he is.”
“Yeah.” We sipped our coffee in silence for a few minutes before Grace snatched the notebook from me in between pencil strokes. “Hey! Give that back!”
“Just a sec,” she said sweetly. “I wanna see what you’ve been up to. I never get to see your work anymore.”
The horse and rider was almost finished, so Grace paged past it to look at my other sketches. I watched the expression on her face turn to amusement at one point before she turned the book around and pointed to a rough pencil sketch. “What’s this, little brother? Getting delusions of grandeur?”
“Only in my dreams, apparently.” I knew why she was laughing. The sketch depicted myself on a horse, casting a stream of something out of my palm toward a wolf. The stream hit the wolf in the chest, and the creature’s face was contorted in pain while I bore a look of triumph and concentration. I had sketched it that morning, for once remembering an image from my dream before it was shattered by daylight.
“Hmm.” Grace pawed through my notebook for a while longer. I only ever let her look at my work under close supervision since the time she had ripped out a page in high school and entered it in an art competition under my name. It hadn’t mattered that I’d won. I was embarrassed that anyone had seen my
artwork.
We sat and chatted for a while longer before Grace’s watch chimed. “I need to go home. It’s nearly nine, and I want to help Evan put Charity to bed.”
“Give my love to the family.”
“Will do.” She gave me a hug and a kiss on the top of my head. “Don’t get into too much trouble, little brother.”
“Humph. I’m only ‘little’ by ten minutes. Seriously, we’re in our twenties. Just let it go.”
Grace laughed. “But it annoys you so easily! Why would I give that up?”
“Go home, Grace.”
She skipped out the door with a cheery “Goodnight!” thrown over her shoulder.
I grabbed my jacket and helmet before leaving a moment later.
I got back to my apartment to find my cat, Willow, meowing desperately at the door. It had started to rain heavily by the time I arrived, and both of us were drenched. Willow darted ahead of me inside, and had the good sense to shake the water out of her fur in the kitchen instead of the carpeted living room. I filled her bowl with food and put some bread in the toaster before collapsing on the couch and flipping on the TV. The news was on, and I let the anchorwoman’s voice drift over me while I laid my head back and closed my eyes.
---
When I opened them again, I knew I was dreaming. I knew it within my very bones. And it was easy to figure out, really, because there was no way in hell I was really looking at a...what the hell was this thing, anyway?
“It’s a phoenix, Master Ian.”
I turned to find a young woman of about my own age standing to my left. Aila. The name drifted out of the shadows. Her name is Aila.
“Of course,” I said sarcastically, “What else would it be?” I felt the ground beneath me, solid like myself, and looked up at the clear night sky. These weren’t my stars. Where were my constellations that I knew so well?
I was back in my realm of dreams. It had happened every night for the last two weeks with the same cast. Aila was always beside me while I looked at some strange mythical creature, and behind me there usually stood...“Where’s Lovewell?”
“He’s gone home for the evening. I said you wouldn’t want to be disturbed by his presence this night.” She tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, and I noticed, as I always did, her striking appearance. Aina’s hair was long, straight and a deep, fiery red. Not coppery like any of the redheads in reality, but the color of pomegranate seeds or blood. She always left it down, but with two silver combs sweeping it up and out of her face. She dressed in a medieval-style black dress with long bell sleeves and her eyes were a deep, startling blue. She was always the same in every dream, but her image never stayed with me long enough to sketch her upon waking.
Slowly, the details of my nightly dream came back to me. It was always the same, and I had been slowly developing the ability to live it out in vivid clarity. Odd, because every other time I had been aware that I was dreaming, I had woken up. This dream held me in its sway until I woke up naturally or until I accomplished whatever task Aila or Lovewell, her friend, set for me.
“The phoenix’s name is Fuego, Ian. It is your task this night night to learn from him. Fire is a necessary part of any Seeker’s arsenal.”
And of course it made sense, in that maddening way that dreams always seemed to follow a path of unknown logic. I knew somehow what to do. I made eye contact with the bright orange bird and nodded my head. What the hell am I doing?
The phoenix seemed to know what was going on, however, because in an instant it had leaped onto my shoulder and engulfed us both in flames. I screamed in pain as the fire licked at my clothing and skin, and I could smell my skin burning. This was torture at its finest, and I knew the pain would not stop, not
until I mastered the fire around me. But dear god! It burned! It hurt so much! Please, just let it stop...
---
And in an instant I was awake on my couch, the smoke alarm was going off, and I knew that my toast had been ruined. Damn. That was a good loaf of bread, too. I unplugged the toaster and fished out the charred bread with fork. I threw it away and scowled at the toaster. Even the kitchen appliances were out to get me tonight.
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
Scribbled by H.J. Hanauer at 10:21 PM 1 responses
Wednesday, September 2, 2009
Wings
Death flies on wings of moonlight,
Poisoning dreams in the course of its flight.
Life comes on wings of the sun,
Bringing balance when the night is done.
Dawn breaks on angels' wings,
Casting grace onto all living things.
Dusk falls on ravens' wings,
Carrying a banner of fallen kings.
Discord arrives on the wings of fancy,
Taking a risk on words that are chancy.
Peace draws near on the wings of a dove,
Bringing an olive branch and teachings of love.
Noon soars on eagles' wings,
Strong and steady as it sings.
Midnight slips by on skylarks' wings,
Finding dreams to which it clings.
And lastly, I, on wings of light,
Soar in the breeze and bid farewell to the night.
Scribbled by H.J. Hanauer at 9:08 AM 1 responses
Tuesday, July 29, 2008
From Muffin With Love
Tuesday had begun in an alarmingly normal fashion. Judy had sent her alarm clock to the floor with a fist, sat up, yawned, and gone to brush her teeth. Muffin, her beloved companion, had shown his love for her by leaving a half eaten lizard on the kitchen floor. The cat himself was nowhere to be seen, which was typical. Only when he was hungry did he deign to show his face indoors.
The cheap coffee made her choke a little on the first sip, but she forced herself to swallow. At least it was hot, caffeinated, and heading for her bloodstream. She quickly opened the door to snatch the paper from the porch before the chilly wind could leech the warmth from inside the apartment.
When she turned back, an envelope sat next to the lizard. Crisp and white, it hadn’t been there two seconds ago. Her name was in black ink, the envelope was sealed, and she didn’t know anyone who could do calligraphy like that.
Inside was a single sheet of paper, a letter in the same elegant script.
That’s when her normal day ended.
My Dearest Judy,
I’m writing to get a few things straight with you, and I cannot in good conscience return home until I have said my piece. I hope you like the lizard. It took me all day to chase him down. I feel that it is my duty to explain what humans seem to consider “typical cat behavior.”
Firstly, I believe I speak for all cats when I say that Muffin is an utterly humiliating name. My true name is far too complex to explain to a human. You simply would not comprehend it, but you may call me Tessercat. And just because I am a cat does not mean that I am inferior to you. If anything, the opposite is true.
Consider this: I don’t have to feed myself if I don’t want to do so. You do it for me quite happily. I can leap several times my height, and I (like all cats) walk with a proverbial paw in another world.
You poor bipeds have your three dimensions and your tiny sliver of visible light in the spectrum. You live in houses of wood, stone and glass, and you wonder why we consider ourselves the better species?
The ancient Egyptians had it right for the most part. We are above and beyond you in almost every way. I cannot easily explain my world to the human mind. In essence, I can see space. Every dimension at once. Your world is so small, and comparing it to mine would be like calling a child’s stick-figure sketch equivalent to a Greek statue. There is simply too much scope and detail in the statue to make a comparison.
A face from your perspective consists of two eyes, a nose, a mouth, and perhaps you can see the hair and a bit of the ears. In my world, my dimension, I see all of it. Face, hair, bald spot, the back of the head, everything at once, and this is normal.
When I look at you, my dear human, I see every hair, every wrinkle, your back, your legs, hands, palms, knees, and everything in between. What you see of me is not my true shape, only that single part that dips into your three-dimensional world. I can’t even begin to explain what I really look like, because there are simply no words for it. No human has seen the fourth dimension, so how can you describe it? How would you describe the concept of “up” to a scribble on a page? Would you even try?
This is my universe. I see space, time, and everything in between. I taste music, feel smells, and hear flavor. This is the existence of a cat.
My purpose therefore, is to ask that you change my name to something less humiliating. Signing this letter “From Muffin with Love” just seems silly. Judy, I would not ask this if it was not important to me. You’re my human, and I love you (as evidenced by the lizard), so please end my torture. I am the laughing-stock of my associates.
Regards,
Tessercat
Judy stared at the letter for several minutes. Was this a joke? She was halfway to the trashcan before she noticed Muffin sitting on the lid, head cocked to the side, whiskers twitching, and with black ink stains on his right forepaw.
She blinked, and Muffin blinked back.
Feeling irrational, she asked him, “Did you write this?” She held the letter tightly and at arms length, as if it might bite her.
She almost fainted when her cat nodded. This was ridiculous.
“Muffin?”
His reaction was to sniff disdainfully and twitch his tail.
She started to giggle. Honestly, who could blame her? She had just received a letter and half a lizard from her fourth-dimensional cat. She picked him up, rubbed his tummy, and decided that Tessercat was a fine name indeed.
Scribbled by H.J. Hanauer at 10:20 AM 1 responses
Tuesday, July 8, 2008
Lydia
In the end, we all discover the futility of life.
Dora Anderson sits in the window seat. Bright sunbeams struggle through the tiny seams between the blinds, dust motes swirl and scatter like honey bees at the end of summer, desperate to cover as much ground as possible before winter swallows their precious flowers.
Opaque white eyes see none of it. In withered old hands is gripped a stuffed penguin, once bright green. Mr. Apple is the affectionate moniker given to him by Lydia.
She would often see Lydia and Mr. Apple walking--no, stalking--down the hallway with a flashlight, on some grand adventure. Whether it was an African safari in the kitchen or exploring an Egyptian tomb in the living room, they were inseparable.
Mr. Apple's fur had been soft and bright, then. Now, Dora can feel patches where the soft fur has rubbed off completely, and he is missing a button eye. Who knows what color his plumage is now?
Stiffly, slowly, she rises from the window seat, penguin in hand. With the aid of a guiding stick, she easily navigates through the small town. She counts her steps. One hundred and twenty down Main Street, make a left, and walk thirty-two more. A gate and latch are easily dealt with before fifteen paces right and nine forward.
She drops the pole, reaches out, finds cold, smooth stone.
Beloved Daughter
1981-1989
She knows the inscription well. Her fingers have traveled over them for almost twenty years.
She leaves Mr. Apple leaning against the headstone, wishes Lydia "happy birthday," and picks up her guiding stick. It's time to let go.
Scribbled by H.J. Hanauer at 9:09 PM 1 responses
Monday, June 23, 2008
Hold Me Close
Winds blow strong and menacing
The earth shakes beneath my feet
My thoughts are scattered and wandering
I am about to concede defeat
Hold me close in your arms
Cradle my fragile heart in your hands
Close to you, I'm safe from harm
There's no better place in this No Man's Land
Hold me as I weep
Hold me till I'm strong
Hold me and keep me
I'll have to let go before long
I don't want to face the night on my own.
copyright 2008 H.J. Hanauer
Scribbled by H.J. Hanauer at 5:23 PM 0 responses
Wednesday, May 21, 2008
Meant for More
Why do we stand
In the middle of the stream?
Why don't we take
A chance and lead the team?
We are meant to live
For so much more.
We are meant to be
More alive than ever before.
Don't just stand there,
Live out loud, dream it up.
You'll never know
Until you take the plunge.
Do you want to live
Your life in stagnation
Or do you want to feel
The breeze caress your face?
We are meant to live
For so much more.
We are meant to be
More alive than ever before.
We are meant to be human.
copyright 2008 H.J. Hanauer
Scribbled by H.J. Hanauer at 12:00 AM 0 responses
Saturday, May 17, 2008
Don't
Kiss the rain
Sing to the skies
Don't bother with drying
The tears I see in your eyes
I'm there for you
When life carries
You away in a deluge
Of fear, of pride, of failure
We all make mistakes
Don't hide away
Don't lower your eyes
I want to see you
I'll help you learn how to fly
Scribbled by H.J. Hanauer at 12:32 AM 0 responses
Monday, April 21, 2008
Mine?
Given breath, given life,
Given sorrow, given strife,
Knowledge learned
Through work and life,
Is anything truly mine?
Father's eyes, mother's chin,
Sister's laugh and brother's grin,
Face defined
By blood and bone,
Is it even mine?
My own mind, my own sin,
My own voice, and my own skin,
What good are they
In my life
When nothing's truly mine?
Lessons learned and put to heart,
Even though it's torn apart,
These things are mine
And mine alone.
And none shall take them from me.
Scribbled by H.J. Hanauer at 11:09 AM 1 responses
Labels: Introspection, Poetry
Tuesday, April 15, 2008
Rain: A snapshot of reunion.
It was raining. Again.
Sarah McKinley hated the rain. The sky became gray and dreary, the moisture falling from the sky was frigid, it soaked you to the skin almost instantly, and it made everything muddy and slick. The only thing she liked about the occasional desert rainstorm was the smell: cool and clean, drifting up from the pavement and whispering in her ear about far off places and scattered dreams.
In Arizona, rain was rare, and she didn't believe in dreams anymore.
She shuffled over to the couch to grab a pair of slippers. She needed to check the mail, and there was no way she wanted to get her feet wet. When she opened the door, moist air and musty fragrance flooded the living room. Her cat looked up briefly from his nap on the recliner, vaguely curious, but too lazy to investigate the change in the air.
Sarah walked out to the driveway, shoulders hunched against the cold wet spatter that still fell from the sky. She heard someone down the street belting out an off-key rendition of "Singin' in the Rain," and decided that they needed to be shot. But not by her. She was too cold and wet and miserable. I should have been born as a cat, she thought.
When she turned, mail in hand, to go back inside, she screamed. No! That couldn't be...
"Sarah?" The ghost by her front door smiled wanly.
Even though she knew it wasn't possible, she let the whisper fall from her lips. "Brian?"
His vague smile turned into a full-blown grin. "What can I say, 'lil sis?" He chuckled, "Rumors of my death have been greatly exaggerated."
In the next instant, the mail lay forgotten on the soaked concrete driveway, and Sarah McKinley was sobbing in the arms of her assumed-dead brother.
It was still raining. Large drops of cold water fell from the sky onto the siblings, and Sarah decided something in that moment: She loved the rain.
Scribbled by H.J. Hanauer at 4:47 PM 2 responses
Thursday, April 3, 2008
Pen & Paper
Here I am again,
Alone with my thoughts
Wandering the depths
Of my mind.
Two candles are lit
By the window.
The flames sputter and twist,
Giving me light and warmth.
Pen touches paper,
Glides on a black streak
Through a boundless sea
Of white perfection.
Symbols soon form.
Letters convey thoughts,
Not blemishing the
Inimitable page,
But enhancing purpose.
From these simple words,
A story unfolds
Telling of beauty and pain
Of sorrow and joy.
A catharsis of thought
From a pen
And a page
And a candle-lit room.
This is peace.
This is perfection.
This is purpose.
copyright 2008, H.J. Hanauer
Scribbled by H.J. Hanauer at 2:40 PM 1 responses
Wednesday, March 19, 2008
On the Shores of Shattered Dreams
Far away
On the shores of Shattered Dreams
A small, lone traveler
Learns that nothing is as it seems
Promises fade
Love is buried
The only constant things
Are death and decay
On the shores of Shattered Dreams
That one small traveler
Knows that no one can hear him
Even when he screams
He wanders on the shore
Made of sharp, jagged, unforgiving stone
The waves beat an angry rhythm
On that cold black stone
The sky is dark with stormclouds
Lightning cracks across the sky
Causing our young traveler
To look up and scream to the sky
"Who am I?"
"Am I just another face
You see as you walk down the street?
Am I someone you've met face-to-face
Or is that just another illusion from my tormented mind?"
The wind does not answer him
Nor do the waves
The sky still crackles with bright fire
They do not listen to his cries
The wind carries his words away
To be lost in the storm
As if they had never been spoken
And the traveler
Weary and lost
Sinks to his knees
On the shores
Of Shattered Dreams
Scribbled by H.J. Hanauer at 12:10 AM 2 responses
Thursday, March 13, 2008
A Vision of Students Today
Scribbled by H.J. Hanauer at 4:12 PM 0 responses
Warrior in the Dark
He stooped toward the ground, delicately lifting a shredded scrap of cloth that had been trodden into the forest floor. Clutching it in his fist, he began to shake with rage and sorrow. Then, slowly—reverently—he tied the silver scrap to the hilt of his sword. Her memory would live on solely with him. The leather of his gloves creaked as he clenched his fists.
He sheathed his sword, knowing that he must move quickly before they came again. He raised his eyes to the dark castle in the distance and resisted the nearly overwhelming urge to howl at the sky in rage. She was gone, and he must continue his journey alone. He began to walk, the sound of his heavy black boots stifled by the still night air of the forest. He pulled his glove onto his hand for a more snug fit.
The only sounds were the distant cries of the werewolves howling at the full moon.
He never halted in his steps again as he made his way through the forest, his dark high-collared cloak making him nearly invisible. He was not afraid, merely angry and sad: She had been his reason, his one hope in a dying world, the only thing that had kept him from going back to his old ways of life as a mercenary, and now the only thing that was left was a scrap of the scarf she had worn in her hair every day since he had bought it for her.
His gloved hands clenched into solid fists again. They would pay. Maybe not today, maybe not anytime soon.
But they would pay.
He drew his cloak tighter around himself, bracing against the chilly wind that suddenly whipped through the forest air. Was it his imagination, or did he hear laughter? He dismissed the notion as childish, the wind could not laugh.
Could it?
He went forward into the night, facing what may come with his head held high. He would not crumble.
He wanted revenge.
Scribbled by H.J. Hanauer at 2:17 PM 2 responses
Stirrings in the Night: A Halloween Short Story
A stiff, bitingly cold wind rushed through the streets, rustling the dead leaves and searing exposed skin like fire. The moon was full, but hidden behind clouds of deepest black.
Scribbled by H.J. Hanauer at 2:12 PM 0 responses
Undefinable
What does it take
For you to see me as I am?
Why do you always claim
That you know my innermost thoughts?
Do you really want do know
What goes on
in
my
head?
Dark waves of thought crash violently
On the rocky shores
of belief,
The full moon casts light
On the dark forests
of emotion,
The sun tries valiantly,
Only sometimes succeeding,
To brighten the caverns
Of experience.
My words wander
Like lost souls
On the winds
Of my imagination.
Broken thoughts
Tumble
Through time.
I am not profound
I am not a leader
I am not encouraged
by life's winding road.
Bright colors flash
Soundlessly
Through a dark, cloudy, moonlit sky.
This is who I am.
I am emotion
Thought
Reason
Imagination
To others, I am defined
Through my words
And the actions of this limited body.
To myself, I am defined
By my perception
Of the world.
By the cries of my mind
Or the laughter
Of my muse.
Language is limited
So is action
expression
relation.
I am undefinable
And I am weary of being imprisoned
by the world's mind.
Scribbled by H.J. Hanauer at 2:09 PM 0 responses
Fly Away From Here
I want to fly away from here
Before I sink into the earth;
I want to conquer my fear
I want to feel the exhilaration of new birth!
These days are all the same;
They drag by as the clock ticks.
I'm sick of always playing this game.
I want to fly like a phoenix.
I want to escape the constant pressure
Of trying to always do what's right.
I want someone to reassure
Me that I have not lost my will to fight.
I know that this life is not all there is,
But sometimes it smothers me
With its foul stenches.
Sometimes it covers me with debris.
I feel like I am buried by
The things that are expected of me.
I want to fly away from here
Before I sink into the earth;
I want to conquer my fear
I want to feel the exhilaration of new birth!
Scribbled by H.J. Hanauer at 2:08 PM 0 responses
Music
Silver and ebony, smooth and sleek
To make children laugh
And women weep
Wood and metal, perfect tools
To make strong men crumble
And the wise look like fools
No one can know Music's mind
There is no harder thing to find
But we do, again and again
Find the mystery, sometimes the pain
Of lost love
Loneliness
Or fear.
The music sways, ever moving
Lost souls join in common thought
Barriers broken
For who can keep silent in the midst of music?
You cannot hide
Why should you try?
I know of nothing that cannot be
Made better through sweet melody
Scribbled by H.J. Hanauer at 2:07 PM 0 responses
Yucca Mountain Essay
Since 1978, the United States government and the Department of Energy have been researching Yucca Mountain—which is located about one hundred miles northwest of Las Vegas, Nevada—as a possible site for a storage area for the nation's nuclear waste. Its relatively close proximity to such major centers of population, however, has caused a major controversy in Nevada. While some people may disagree, saying that the Yucca Mountain Nuclear Waste Repository (Yucca Mountain Project) is a danger to the environment and is an unnecessary financial undertaking, the benefits far outweigh the potential problems.
But what exactly is the Yucca Mountain Project? It is simply a permanent solution to a current problem. The Yucca Mountain Repository is a series of underground tunnels that have been carefully constructed and shielded, using a network of remote-controlled, protected, specially designed railcars to transport solid nuclear waste into an underground chamber roughly 1,000 feet below the surface (DOE fact sheet). The nuclear waste from across the country will be contained in these tunnels. The storage chambers and tunnels would be monitored constantly, allowing for any dangers to be identified and dealt with accordingly. Having all the solid nuclear waste in the nation in one location would lessen the cost of maintenance and increase the safety for the environment on a large scale.
The general population in Nevada, however, opposes the Yucca Mountain Project, citing the fact that they have no nuclear program of their own and should not be responsible for the nuclear waste generated by the rest of the country (LV Sun). The debate has been prolonged by accusations of falsified safety reports, amendments to safety regulations, and the natural political problems inherent in any major project that involves public safety. These concerns have drifted in and out of the public eye for years, with the occasional newspaper article stirring citizens in an uproar, only to have the frenzy die down within a few weeks with the release of new information. Usually, the only problem is lack of information.
The Yucca Mountain facility will be constructed, monitored, and maintained by the United States Department of Energy, who will be held to the safety standards put forth by the Environmental Protection Agency. Working together, the DOE and the EPA should create a network of safeguards and checkpoints suitable for the maintenance of such an enormous undertaking (EPA). The organizations responsible for the creation of the Yucca Mountain facility have also made a considerable effort to keep the public well informed and up-to-date with accurate information. Information is readily available on the official government websites, and is typically easy to understand. There are even transcripts of many of the official technical documents being reviewed by various committees.
There is the question of transportation of the waste, however. A common misconception about nuclear waste is that it is flammable or explosive. This is not the case. Radioactive waste will only explode in a forced chemical reaction. It cannot combust otherwise. Responding to concerns of the public, the DOE and EPA have stated that there are plans in place for transportation. Carefully designed railcars that would shield the surroundings from harmful radiation will be constructed. According to the US Department of Energy,
Grove, Benjamin. "Utah senator: Yucca 'does not make sense.'" The Las Vegas Sun, 21 September, 2005. 07 March, 2007
The Eureka County Nuclear Waste Office. "Map page." 07 March, 2007.
United States Department of Energy. "Overview: Yucca Mountain Project." 07 March, 2007.
United States Department of Energy. "Americans' Average Radiation Exposure." 07 March, 2007.
Scribbled by H.J. Hanauer at 1:56 PM 1 responses
Wednesday, March 12, 2008
The Chief
Scribbled by H.J. Hanauer at 9:52 PM 0 responses
It Begins
The South Forest of Jenigral Kingdom was quite peaceful during the day, when the Shalari dragons were sleeping. The blood-red reptiles only woke with the setting of the sun to hunt the humans that encroached upon their forest, and slept from sunrise to sunset. Daylight meant safety and peace.
It was high noon and fourteen-year-old Lillian sat in the highest branches of an oak tree, looking over the tops of the other trees. To the west she could see Father's Shoulder, a tall mountain range that separated Jenigral from its coastal neighbor, the kingdom of Saldren. The river Thalen flowed from that peak into the South Forest, and on its southern bank was the tiny village of Jenst, the southernmost community in the kingdom.
Lillian pushed a few strands of hair behind her ear when they escaped from her practical braid that hung just above her waist. Her black boots were scuffed and dirty and the rough tunic she wore was sturdy and an un-dyed, dull grey. She sat on the thin branch easily, balancing with slight concentration, as she had been taught. There was no breeze today, which made it easier.
Lillian had been in this tree for most of the day, having disappeared from the village earlier that morning. She didn't feel like being hen-pecked by the older ladies who were busy dressing up for the harvest festival. Lillian had the dresses, she just lacked the inclination to wear them.
She tilted her head when she heard a sound filtering through the dense foliage. Voices. Girls from the village, most likely, she thought, but how many?
She closed her eyes and focused on the sound. She counted four different voices, and a few more pairs of footsteps than that. She smiled: she was getting pretty good at this.
"Lillian? Where are you?" That was Greta's voice, faint but recognizable. Lillian stayed silent, taking advantage of this opportunity to test her tracking skills. The soft crunch of footsteps on a forest trail stopped. The group had halted in a clearing several yards away. One of the girls said something, and Lillian could tell by the tone of the voice that it wasn't kind. Most likely Suzette, saying something nasty about her.
"Lillian?" Greta was getting annoyed. "Come on! The feast is going to start in two hours, and Harfan's been looking for you!"
Lillian grimaced: she hadn't intended to annoy Harfan. He was the Guardian of the village, their protection from the Shalari after the sun set. He had been trained at the Guardian's Keep in Jenigral City before being assigned to her village just after Lillian had been born. When her parents were killed by one of the dragons two years ago, Harfan—who was a dear friend of her father's—had taken her under his wing, becoming a sort of older brother to her in a relatively short time. He gave her lessons in tracking fighting, swordsmanship, and horsemanship. She lived with Harfan now, in a small cottage on the village outskirts, near the stables.
"Lillian!" Greta hollered, "Please come down from whatever tree you're in! I don't want to have to deal with Harfan!"
Lillian sighed and set off toward the clearing through the canopy of trees, moving silently. Every time she went to the forest, she put her lessons from Harfan into practice. Soon, she was only a few feet away from the group of girls, but she was still several feet above eye level.
There were six girls standing in the clearing, searching for her. Greta's sharp eyes found her first. "There you are," she said, hands on hips.
Lillian smirked and took a moment to compare herself to the teenaged girls on the ground. At fourteen years old, Lillian was almost the oldest. Greta held that title at the age of fifteen and a half years. Their clothing was drastically different; while Lillian was dressed in cheap, practical boots, trousers, and tunic, the others were dressed in skirts and blouses, had ribbons in their hair, and wore thinner shoes. Nearly every one of them was gazing at her with disdain. Greta was the only one that Lillian considered to be a friend. They had known each other for all their lives, and were nearly inseperable.
"Why is Harfan looking for me?" She tilted her head, voicing the question at her friend. She didn't want to go back to the village yet. As the daughter of a noble family, she commanded a little bit of respect, but it was rarely given. When her parents had died, she had abandoned the fine dresses and lace kerchiefs for her more functional attire, which the older ladies in Jenst regarded with hostility.
"I don't know…he said something about starting early today, whatever that means. He said he'd look for you." Greta shrugged. They started to trek back to the village as a group, with Lillian and Greta falling back so they could speak privately.
"Your mother hasn't found out that you're taking lessons from Harfan, too, has she?" Lillian asked.
Greta shook her head and gave a secret smile. "No," she giggled, "Can you imagine her face if she had? She has a hard enough time letting me spend any time here. I shouldn't be associating with a vagrant like you." The last was said with a valiant attempt at a straight, somber face. She couldn't hold it, and started to laugh.
"Well, if we ever get into real trouble, we'll know what to do. I doubt half the boys in the village really know how to fight." Lillian's light laughter startled a rabbit from the undergrowth beside the trail, and she watched as it fled deeper into the forest, making far more noise than a rabbit should. She snapped her head around and gazed into the trees. Was there something more than a rabbit out there?
When Greta noticed her hesitation, she stopped, too. Glancing quickly at Lillian, she whispered, "What is it?"
Lillian held up a hand for quiet. She was listening to the forest. Another pair of footsteps had been following them, she was sure of it now: she had just ignored it, thinking it was the girls ahead of them. She turned slowly, taking in the forest around her.
Nothing.
"It must have been a fox or something. There's nothing there," she said. She wasn't so sure it had been a person now. It probably was a fox.
She shook her head, gave an apologetic look to Greta, and the two of them began walking again. "So," she began, "Have your mother and father decided when you're moving to Jenigral City?"
Greta grimaced and toyed with a loose thread of embroidery on her sleeve as she answered, "I think they want to go just after the Harvest Festival."
"But—but—that's only a week left!"
"I know," Greta sighed, stopping again. "Papa's worried about his cousin Peter. His health is failing, and Mama and Papa want to be close so they can take care of him. Mama's already packing so we'll be ready to leave on the day after the festival. They bought a nice carriage from Theodore with the money we made this summer from selling our orchard. Harfan's going to ride with us until we reach River Haven. He'll be back the next night."
Lillian was silent, digesting the fact that her only friend was leaving in one week, and that they might never see each other again.
"I—" She swallowed around the lump in her throat. "I hope you'll be safe. How are you getting to Jenigral City from there?"
"I think there's going to be an escorted convoy there. We're supposed to catch it and travel with them."
The sound of a snapping twig jerked her attention back to the surrounding forest. "Did you hear that?" she asked her friend.
Greta nodded and tensely scanned the forest around them for any sign of movement. "That wasn't a fox."
Lillian stared through the branches, too, realizing that the sound she had heard was made by something much larger and heavier than a fox. She glanced at the position of the sun out of habit, but it was the middle of the day: no Shalari would be awake. The forest was eerily quiet, and it took her a moment to realize that the birds had stopped singing, as if they knew what was lurking in the trees.
Suddenly, a large grey blur fell from the branch above Lillian, causing Greta to give a little yelp of surprise before the screech of metal screeching against metal rang through the forest. The birds broke their silence and fled from the noise, squawking in protest. Lillian found herself with the blade of her dagger pressed against the edge of a long, bright silver sword, which was held by a tall, slightly unkempt-looking man in a grey tunic. His shaggy brown hair fell into his eyes, which crinkled at the corners in a way that indicated a humorous personality.
Lillian pushed forward with all her weight to dislodge their locked blades before sputtering in complete shock. "Harfan? What in the blazes—?"
Harfan, the village Guardian, sheathed his sword as he bowed slightly in greeting. "I told Greta that I wanted to start early today. We don't want to miss the opening feast of the festival."
Lillian scowled. "That doesn't explain why you're leaping at us from the trees like a large, armed squirrel." She crossed her arms. "You nearly frightened me to death!"
Greta narrowed her eyes shrewdly. "How long have you been following us?"
Harfan laughed. "Guess."
Lillian rolled her eyes. "You've been following me since I climbed that tree, haven't you?"
His answering grin was the only reply she needed. "Come on, ladies! Time for a little sparring. You have your equipment?"
Greta shook her head. "No, and I need to change my clothes if we're going to be sparring."
"Back to the village with you, then!" He said brightly. "I'll wait for you in that field by William's sheep pen."
The girls nodded and scampered into the village to collect their things.
Scribbled by H.J. Hanauer at 9:48 PM 0 responses

